January 7 – To reteach a thing its loveliness

By | January 7, 2019

Dear Friends,

Galway Kinnell’s poem St Francis and the Sow starts:

The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42683/saint-francis-and-the-sow

In her book Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, Sharon Salzberg writes:

“To reteach a thing its loveliness” is the nature of metta.

page 18

Later, she says of the practice of mettā,

The practice of metta, uncovering that force of love that can uproot fear, anger, and guilt, begins with befriending ourselves. The foundation of metta practice is to know how to be our own friend. … How few of us embrace ourselves that way!

page 25

Befriending myself wasn’t something I thought was possible when I first started practicing. Like many people, there is a harsh self-critic that likes to hang around and tell me how I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy of love, I really screwed up that time, etc. When I read that one must be able to wish oneself well before proceeding to others, I thought I’d never be able to do this practice.

Sharon Salzberg addressed this in her most recent book, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection:

I have never believed that you must completely love yourself first before you can love another. I know many people who are hard on themselves, yet love their friends and family deeply and are loved in return—though they might have difficulty in receiving that love. But it’s hard to sustain love for others in the long haul until we have a sense of inner abundance and sufficiency.

page 15

Sharon and bell hooks had an interesting discussion about this passage on a podcast (also partially transcribed here). Sharon explains this a little further:

If you give love to others without loving yourself, you’ll be out of balance. You won’t find wholeness.

On the other hand, I don’t think loving yourself one hundred percent should become the project before you ever work on loving somebody else. 

https://www.lionsroar.com/the-power-of-real-love/

If you find it difficult to offer mettā to yourself, one way that may help is to visualize yourself as a young child – full of innocence, wonder, and joy. Then offering the phrases of well-wishing to that being, and then gradually extending the intention toward kindness towards yourself now.

I’ll also suggest some other variations of phrases from different teachers, as you may find some resonate with you better than others.

Jeanne Corrigal has used a version of the phrases similar to these:

May I be safe in awareness and kindness.
May I know the joy and happiness in small things every day.
May my body support me as best it can.
May I live with ease and peace.

To close today, Christina Feldman offers a suggestion on what to do if this gets too painful or difficult:

If you find that your tolerance for standing near the painful begins to falter, you can experiment with bringing your mindfulness to the areas of your body that are well—absorbing a felt sense of ease. Pain is not the totality of your experience in that moment. Pain can coexist with ease and wellness. A significant aspect of boundless friendliness is in experientially knowing the possibility of peaceful coexistence between pain and wellness, the difficult and the lovely.

page 30

Gently and gradually, we can befriend ourselves, reteaching ourselves our own loveliness.

With warm wishes,
Andrea

2 thoughts on “January 7 – To reteach a thing its loveliness

  1. Amy

    I’m really loving this daily inspiration Andrea- I especially enjoyed the opening St Francis poem , it’s a favourite. Thank you so much for offering these great daily reads!

  2. Geralyne

    I love this idea of flowering from within, from self-blessing. Until one flowers again from within, from self-blessing. Beautiful.

    I’ve lavished the innocent young child within with metta for years. I can appreciate how helpful it is to befriend and to reteach ourselves our own loveliness. It will be very beneficial to send well-wishing and phrases of kindness to who I am today.

    Namaste,
    Geralyne

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